Embrace Life.

I am happy to announce that I am a complete green monster convert. I was wary at first…those pictures of deep green sludge in glasses just didn’t seem all that appealing. How, I wondered, could they taste anywhere close to good? Since my first one, I’ve made two or three more, and all have been delicious. I just had one for lunch. It contained one cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk, a couple of handfuls of organic baby spinach, half a banana, a handful of frozen blueberries, a half scoop of chocolate whey protein powder, about a teaspoon of dark cocoa powder, and ice. All blended up to create a huge, deep green smoothie. It was sooo goood! I can’t believe how sweet and yummy these things are. And how invisible the taste of spinach is. You literally cannot taste the spinach at all. Just the sweetness of the banana and protein powder. Amazing. I love.

I went for a lovely 4.73 mile run this morning, using mapmyrun.com. Sweet website, by the way. I completed the route in 40 minutes, and found that my average pace was 7.1 mph [?!]. I had no idea I was running that fast. It sure didn’t feel like it. Then I showered and gave my lower body some much-needed TLC. I clipped and painted my toenails a pretty red color and slathered up my feet and freshly-shaven legs with moisturizer. I plan on wearing shorts today…woot!

Gonna go eat some cantaloupe now. Later!

~Jordy

Breakfast: 42 g oats, 1 cup water, 2/3 banana, sliced strawberries, handful blueberries, cinnamon, scoop of pb

Lunch: loads of cantaloupe, cottage cheese, carrot, 100-calorie bag of popcorn, apple

Snack: container of Horizon organic low-fat chocolate milk

Supper: tacos – black beans, salsa, 1/4 avocado wrapped up in three corn tortillas (yummm)

Dessert: dark chocolate-banana dip [1/3 banana "melted", 2 tsp dark cocoa powder and vanilla stirred in] with apple slices and strawberries for dipping

I also did the 30-minute total body workout and ran 3.5 miles on the treadmill.

Excited for tomorrow because I’ve got coffee chilling in the fridge, which means ICED COFFEE, babay! Also, it’s going to be a perfectly glorious day. I plan on running outside in the morning. Can’t wait.

~Jordy

This morning I weighed 100 pounds. Ouch.

Thus, I ate.

Breakfast: 42 g oats, 1 cup water, 3/4 banana, four sliced strawberries, handful of blueberries, cinnamon, scoop o’ pb

Lunch: green monster made with 1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk, ~1 cup organic spinach, 1/2 banana, handful of blueberries, 1/2 scoop of chocolate whey protein powder; low-fat cottage cheese; organic carrot; strawberries; toasted whole wheat sandwich thin

Supper: baked sweet potato fries with organic ketchup; broccoli; green beans

Snacks: fresh cantaloupe; 100-calorie bag of popcorn; apple slices with a little pb

Today was a much more food-and-nutrient-filled day than yesterday. Win.

~Jordy

Yeah, I’m a slacker.

I’ve just been so busy working, schooling, and spending time with Trace. I kind of like love that boy.

I promise I’ll start updating regularly again, once my life settles down…which should be the very near future, since it’s finally spring break. Thank. God.

I just have to tell a quick story about what I ate last night. Because I ate so much in one sitting that I was literally afraid my stomach was going to explode.

Consider 1 1/2 pounds of spaghetti squash, smothered in Light Ragu and broccoli, with a side of green beans, washed down with a smoothie consisting of one banana, a scoop of protein powder, a cup of almond milk, a spoonful of peanut butter, and a handful of ice, and a homemade corn muffin. My stomach was in the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I wanted to throw up just to relieve the pressure. I was beyond stuffed. Never again. Next time I decide to eat a pound and a half of spaghetti squash, I’m letting it go through my system first before I suck down a smoothie.

Today I had my delicious usual – blueberry-banana-pb stovetop oatmeal. Lunch was eaten in haste before my 11-5 shift: low-fat cottage cheese, melon, and a carrot. For the record, cottage cheese and carrots make a delicious combination. And I suddenly love cantaloupe? Umm..ooo-kay. On my break I ate a Luna Protein bar…chocolate peanut butter flavor. It was pretty good. Reminded me of the Balance bars I used to eat every day. It satiated me and gave me the energy necessary for the 45-minute hill run I completed at the gym right after work. 4.25 miles under my belt, wooot. I met Jeremy and Emily at a coffee shop after the gym, but on the way there I picked up some oh-so-yum sushi: five pieces of assorted nigiri and a cucumber roll. All dipped in soy sauce, natch. Then I downed two cups of coffee. Totally normal. So yeah…that was all I ate today. Which probably wasn’t even close to enough, but the sushi kept me surprisingly full all night. I didn’t get home until 10, and I still don’t feel like eating anything else. I’ll just pick it up tomorrow, I suppose.

I’m gonna go now. I think I’ll take a shower, text Trace, and go to bed.

Night!

~Jordy

Today, I ate. A lot. Because I was hungry. And people eat when they’re hungry. Normal people, anyways. I’m striving for normalcy. And I’m trying, once again, to stop counting friggin’ calories. I started back up, which was a lame thing to do. Time to get real…again. So – here goes.

Breakfast: 42 g old-fashioned oats, one cup water, handful frozen blueberries, 1/2 sliced banana, cinnamon + vanilla, one spoonful Naturally More peanut butter; coffee

Lunch: 1/4 cup Egg Beaters cooked with handful spinach + crumbled feta, on a whole wheat sandwich thin; three Cuties; one organic carrot; ~one cup broccoli; one kiwi; water

Snack: [my first ever!!!] green monster – huge handful spinach, 1/2 banana, ~1/2 cup frozen blueberries, one cup unsweetened chocolate almond milk, 1/2 scoop chocolate whey protein powder, ice; four Kashi Heart to Heart shredded wheat crackers

Post-Workout: one grande iced coffee with a bit of skim milk from Starbucks

Supper: the last of my split pea soup [~1 cup?], Braeburn apple; water

Dessert: Kashi dark mocha almond granola bar; fresh strawberries; container of chocolate Oikos; coffee with unsweetened vanilla almond milk

Whew! There we go. Pretty much everything that entered my mouth today. Some things I realized:

• Running starves me.
• Green monsters are delicious and no, you cannot taste the spinach.
• It is okay to eat intuitively. Really. It is. It really, really is.

I hope I can keep this up. It would be so amazingly good for me.

Changing the subject to…

phys-ack, babay.

Pre-smoothie, I decided to knock out the 30-minute total body workout again. So I did it in the living room while watching Shrek 2. That’s how you get it done, folks.

Post-smoothie, I decided it was time to go to the gym and sweat. So I did that, too. Sporting my iPod, cell phone, and a bottle of water, I stormed through 5.51 miles in exactly 60 minutes. I focused my attention on distance today rather than time. I based speed on miles rather than minutes. For instance, I brisk-walked the first mile at 4.5 mph; mile two I jogged at 5.6-5.8. Mile three was 6.2-6.3 [6.5 for the last half]. I slowed down for half of mile four, then sped back up to 6.5 for the other half. I went back to 4.5 for the last half-mile. I felt fabulous and full of energy the whole time. Must’ve been thanks to Mr. Green Monster.

I refreshed myself with iced coffee, which makes a delicious post-workout beverage, FYI.

The rest of my day involved a shower, more eating, doing a load of dishes, and internet-surfing.

I hope to keep recording my daily eats. I think it will be beneficial to see that I can eat more than 1200 calories and not be “fat.” I’m sick of having that mindset. It’s bull crap.

Gonna go now. Have a great night!

It’s been a while. I kind of forgot about my little blog for a little while. Life’s been a little busy lately.

Not much has changed though. I haven’t gained an ounce of weight…in fact, I’ve lost a little. This morning I weighed 101.2. I’m beginning to think my body is trying to tell me something…as in, maybe I’m at a weight that’s okay for me. Maybe just skirting 100 pounds is right for me. Some people are thinner than others. I’m a little on the bony side, but I feel good physically. I have energy. I’m a perfectly happy individual.

I’ve been keeping up the physical activity for sure. Monday I went a little overboard. I did an intense 60-minute run with a minimum speed of 6.0 and a maximum of 8.0, and by the 45-minute mark I just had to slow down to a brisk walk for a few minutes. I thought I was going to collapse. It must have been due to my failure to fuel properly…I was running only off of a fruit & feta salad from lunch. I got through the full hour, absolutely drenched in sweat by the end. I followed that up with some arm exercises.

Tuesday I hit the gym again, this time pedaling away 30 minutes on the stationary bike. I told myself I would take a day off the treadmill and focus on low-impact cardio, but I ended up giving in to 30 minutes of jogging/brisk walking anyway.

Wednesday…gym again. I only went for strength training, though, because it was a be.a.utiful day outside. Sunny and warm and altogether dreamy. Post-gym I scurried over to Craighead Forest Park and circled the entire lake in 45 minutes. No jogging, just a brisk and breezy walk. I loved. An hour later I met the family at Fuji for Cogan’s birthday. I had edamame and sushi, of course.

Thursday was a rest day, because I had a date right after school. That’s right, a date. With who, might you ask? Oh, just a guy from work named Trace. We’ve been talking a lot lately, and he outright told me he likes me. I’m curious to see where this goes. My emotions are wreaking havoc on me, like always. Sometimes I can see us in a relationship, sometimes I can’t. I wish I could just make up my mind for once! All I know is I feel a connection to Trace like I’ve never felt with any other guy. I think we were brought together for a reason….I’m just not sure if the reason is romantic or just on a friendship basis. I honestly don’t know if I can love him romantically. The last thing I want to do is break another heart, so I’m trying to be careful not to insinuate that I want things to go much farther. We haven’t held hands or kissed or anything. Right now we’re just spending time together and texting…lots and lots of texting. The other thing that’s different about Trace is that I actually want to be with him. I actually get excited about the prospect of seeing him and spending an afternoon with him. Ugh, I don’t know. I wish I could be sure about something for once.

So anyways, what did we do on said date? We went to the movies. Saw Shutter Island. Which was bizarre and intriguing. Then we went to Taco Bell because it’s cheap. I had a fresco soft taco. I survived. We were there for a long time, just talking. Then we went to his mom’s house. She’s really nice. They have the cutest kitty on the planet. It made me miss Toby like none other. We watched an episode of Smallville. Trace and I have decided that we’re going to watch the entire series together. Works for me. Oh, and I’m taking him to prom.

Yesterday afternoon it was gym-time again. I did a 30-minute total body workout that incorporated four circuits of an arm workout, weighted lunges, squats, 30-second wall sits, regular crunches and bicycle crunches. Feeling warm and loose, I followed that up with my favorite 60-minute jog/run. You know I was one sweaty bee-otch by the end. After the gym I hit up the tanning salon. I’ve been laying this week…I want to be bronze for prom. I’m sick of being so pale! Got home and was more than ready for FOOD. Enter split pea soup and a sliced apple. I was meeting Mom at the theater at 9:35 so I headed to town a couple of hours early. I wanted to spend some quality time with my bff, Barnes & Noble. Ordered a venti iced coffee and enjoyed a banana and a carrot cake Clif bar while reading People. Perfecto.

This morning I kicked it off with an amazing bowl of oatmeal.

• 42 g old-fashioned oats
• 1 cup water
• 1/2 sliced banana
• frozen blueberries
• cinnamon + vanilla
• scoop of Naturally More pb

Stovetop oats FTW. Pb on my oats FTW.

Game-plan for the day:

• Gym
• Tan
• Lunch
• Shower
• Work

Outta here!

~Jordan

I love productive afternoons. They make me feel awesome. Let’s start with this morning, though, shall we?

Breakfast: pumpkin chocolate oats.

• 40 g rolled oats
• 1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
• 1/2 cup water
• cinnamon
• 1 melted baby banana
• 1/3 cup pumpkin
• 1 tbsp dark cocoa powder

Jetted off to school. Quickly discovered en route that my power steering has gone kaput. Blast.

Lunch: egg sandwich*, apple, carrots.

*1/4 cup Egg Beaters with salt and pepper, nuked for a minute 15 seconds or so, on a sandwich thin with some baby spinach.

Right after school I hit the gym and pounded out that awesome 60-minute run again. Today was harder. Probably a mixture of my legs being sore, not hydrating before or during the run [I didn't have any water with me], and already not feeling altogether amazing [I got sick from some undercooked rice last night...blech.] I considered shortening the workout, but soldiered through in the end. Afterward I took advantage of the arm machines, which made my muscles feel like jelly.

Upon arriving home, I realized that my legs killed. I’m wondering if I should give them a break tomorrow…let them have a recovery day. I’ve been doing a lot of strenuous stuff with them lately [which is great!].

I immediately got started on supper…a super-duper simple and delicious soup!!

The ingreds:

• 32 ounces low-sodium chicken broth
• 1 cup whole wheat pasta [I used rotelli]
• 1 cup frozen peas
• 6-7 whole mushrooms, quartered
• ~2 cups fresh baby spinach
• Sea salt and pepper to taste

Bring the broth to a boil, add the pasta and cook six or seven minutes, ’til the pasta is mostly done. Add the peas, mushrooms and spinach, and cook another two or three minutes. Season with salt and pepper to your liking. I ground in a lot of pepper…it makes everything taste betta.

It’s crazy how throwing a couple of simple ingredients into a pot can produce something so delicious, but that’s what this soup is! Soo good. 10 minutes after I poured the broth into the pot I was sitting down with a steaming bowl of soup. Yep, it’s that quick.

I ate some Kashi Heart to Heart shredded wheat crackers with it. Great for dunking and soaking up the broth.

After supper I did laundry, did the dishes, tidied up the kitchen, straightened up my room, took a shower, and dried my hair. Ahh, it felt good to get so many things done.

Later on I snacked on pear slices with Naturally More peanut butter [all-time fave], a kiwi, and pretzel crisps. Yummers.

Better go now. Night!

~Jordy

I’m at a standstill right now. Haven’t updated in a few days because nothing significant has happened. I’ve been eating, but not enough. I’m not gaining weight. And I’m not listening to my mom. She said I couldn’t do cardio if I wasn’t gaining weight. Well, I’ve been doing cardio anyway. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a failure if I go to the gym and don’t hop on the elliptical or the treadmill. And I just can’t resist a good, energizing sweat session. Seriously, cardio is not even about the fact that I’m burning off calories [okay, maybe just a little...], I just love the way it makes me feel. And maybe I should be eating a lot more to make up for the calories that I do burn off, but…I don’t know. It’s hard. I’m already slipping. I’m loosely calculating again. Nothing exact, but I’ve got a general idea of what range I’m in each day, and I know it’s not enough. I just look at my reflection in the mirror…I see those bony shoulders, those ribs, those hip bones jutting slightly, and I feel a sense of security. I am so afraid to lose that feeling. Maybe I should be disgusted by my appearance…maybe I should desire curves and boobs – and sometimes I do – but I just cannot bring myself to get better. I still want to stay where I am. This is going to be such a challenge. And I knew that, of course. I’ve been through all this before. Yesterday I was looking at pictures of me from last year. Just one year ago I was at a healthy weight, and completely care-free again, newly liberated from Ana. But I look at those pictures and nothing but criticisms flit across my brain: Ugh, my face was so chubby. I look so fat. I look so gross. I have to be completely, totally honest. I do think I look fat in those pictures. It may not be true, but I believe it nonetheless. And I don’t want to look like that again. I don’t want to get up to that weight again. I honestly think 112 is too much for my frame. Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I’m irrecoverably sick. I don’t know where to go from here.

Yesterday morning I got up at 7:45, enjoyed a bowl of banana-blueberry oatmeal, and perused the internet. Around 9:30 I drove to the gym. This may seem counteractive, but I had a fantastic run on the treadmill. I’ve discovered that I really quite enjoy running on the treadmill, as opposed to running outside. I don’t know why I like it so much more, but it feels utterly fabulous.

After doing my upper body workout, I headed upstairs and followed this exact routine that I got from Fitness Magazine online:

I was really questioning my ability to jog/run for a full hour, but I did it. It actually wasn’t that hard. Oh, it was challenging of course, and I was definitely quite the sweaty pig at the end, but I never had to slow the pace or take a breather or anything. I loved it. I kept it at a 1.5% incline the entire time.

Obviously after such a strenuous workout some lunch was in order. I zipped back home, took a hot shower, and went about lunch preparations: peanut butter smeared on a sandwich thin, boiled broccoli, a sliced Pink Lady apple, and a sliced kiwi. It was all delicious and totally hit the spot. I absolutely love cooking broccoli on the stovetop, ’til it’s totally soft and tender. Yum. I was pretty hungry the rest of the day, probably because my of run. Around 2:45 I broke into a Blueberry Crisp Clif Bar. A few hours later I had a grilled turkey salad from Steak Escape, some Wheat Thins, and a prune. Random dinner, but I was at Kalie’s house and their options were limited. I went to work from 6 to 11. I made a Wal-Mart run after work, for bananas and coffee. None of their bananas were very ripe, and I needed one for my oatmeal this morning, but they had baby bananas that were nice and yellow. I’ve tried baby bananas in the past and not liked them, but I decided to give them another shot. I picked up a bag of Wolfgang Puck Tuscan Breakfast coffee as well. This morning I made a yummy bowl of oats:

• 40 g quick oats
• 1 cup water
• 1/3 cup pumpkin
• Cinnamon + pumpkin pie spice
• 1 melted baby banana
• Sprinkle of dark chocolate chips

This is still one of my favorite oatmeal bowls. I love the pumpkin-and-chocolate combo. And the baby banana worked perfectly in it.  I brewed some of my new coffee. YUM. It is delicious. Amazingly good after two months of Maxwell House. I’d forgotten what real coffee tastes like!

I better go now. Mom’s picking me up for church in about an hour. My plans for the day include church, lunch, grocery shopping, and possibly the gym before I go to work at 6.

~Jordy

I’ve been doing amazingly well not counting calories. Seriously, it’s been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I thought I was going to have a constant struggle, adding up each component of every meal like it’s second nature. Not so. I admit at times I’ll loosely calculate an item or two…like pretzel crisps or a piece of fruit or an energy bar. But I’m not being obsessive about it. Honestly, I feel much more liberated than I have in…well, in four months.

HOWEVER. I don’t think I’m doing enough to gain weight. I’m not really gaining. I might weigh around 103-104 at the moment. I haven’t actually weighed in a few days so I’m not entirely sure. But I know I haven’t gained anything significant. Yesterday, out of mere curiosity, I added up my calories. And I saw why I’m, for the most part, at a standstill. I’m still consuming less than 1500 calories. I guess the simple act of stopping the calorie-counting is not enough…of course it’s not enough. If I stop counting but continue eating about the same as I did before, obviously the amount of calories going in is not going to vary that much. I have to make little changes, little additions, to get the count up. I have to not be afraid to add a spoonful of nut butter to my morning oats, a sprinkle of almonds on my yogurt, to eat a Luna bar before I work out, to get in an afternoon snack [and an evening snack]. Seriously, I’m horrible with snacks. I feel like I can only allow myself one snack a day, after supper, which I usually count as my dessert and usually consists of a piece of fruit with some peanut butter, or some dry cereal, and coffee. I never eating morning snacks because I think, I’ll be eating lunch in a couple of hours…why add more calories when I could just wait it out? Truth be told, I don’t feel like I deserve those extra calories, like I earned them in any way [because I apparently have to "earn" my calories? What's up with that?] Then I peruse other food blogs and find that a lot of people eat morning and afternoon snacks. So obviously snacking is healthy, when you go about it in the right way. But it’s something I struggle with. I’ve always liked the idea of eating five or six mini-meals a day, but I’ve just never actually attempted it because I get too “scared.” Maybe some day I’ll actually give it a whirl.

So, all that said, I guess my point is that I just need to work to add more oomph to my eats. I’ll call it Operation Oomph to My Eats. Yeah, that’s catchy, right? Operation OME. Lord, that’s cheesy. No shame.

I’ll have to think this out and determine exactly what this means I’ll be doing. Obviously I’ll have to make some changes…but I’m going to take baby steps. If I try to take huge leaps right from the start, I’ll get overwhelmed.

Sooo…what did I eat yesterday? Glad you asked.

Breakfast: 1/3 cup 5-grain cereal, 1/3 cup soy milk, 1/6 cup water, cinnamon, 1/2 banana, blueberries. All mixed up in the same bowl. With coffee.

Lunch: Smuckers natural peanut butter + Cascadian Farms organic strawberry preserves on sprouted grain bread, an apple, and baby carrots.

Supper: Split pea soup + pretzel crisps.

Dessert: A yummy parfait! ~1 cup of vanilla Oikos, raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, sprinkle of chocolate chunks, sprinkle of almonds.

In non-food news, last night was my first shift at my new job!! I felt totally in my element there. I’m going to have no problem getting adjusted to this theater. The work is very familiar to me, which is great. Nobody told me how to do anything…I just backed up the other concessionists the whole night, swept the floor, changed the trash, scooped popcorn, and poured lots of sodas. I almost feel ready to run a drawer already. No probs. I work again today, 12-8. I had a lovely oatmeal combination for breakfast: 1/2 cup old-fashioned oats, 3/4 cup soy milk/water, 1 tbsp. dark cocoa powder, 1/2 banana, and sliced strawberries on the side. And two cups of coffee. I’m definitely feeling some split pea soup for lunch…yeah, totally obsessed. I love split pea soup!!

Gotta go now!

~Jordy

I’m kind of obsessed with berries right now. Mmmm, they’re so goood!! I had blueberries in my oatmeal this morning [along with 1/2 banana, cinnamon, soy milk, water, and dark chocolate chunks]. Lunch was a pb&j on sprouted grain, strawberries, and carrots. I made more split pea soup for supper…I know, I know. I’m such a creature of habit! It just sounded perfect. And it was. I used much less cayenne pepper this time, so the soup wasn’t spicy. It had just the right amount of seasoning for me. I love it! I also ate lots of pretzel crisps and two kiwis. Holy. Amazingness. I had no idea how delicious kiwis were! Why have I never bought them before now?! Needless to say, kiwis will be making many more appearances from here on. I’m meeting mom at the gym in about an hour; hopefully I’ll be able to get on the elliptical tonight!! I’ll probably eat a Clif bar afterward, and drink some coff-ay. Later!

~Jordy